


Farewell

by ch0c0_s1im3



Series: You're Still Alive [4]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:41:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28291053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ch0c0_s1im3/pseuds/ch0c0_s1im3
Summary: Hazawa Tsugumi tries to cope
Relationships: Hazawa Tsugumi/Hikawa Sayo, Imai Lisa/Minato Yukina
Series: You're Still Alive [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068794
Kudos: 23





	Farewell

Dark clouds stormed above as rain slowly started pouring down, worsening the mood of an already sombre event.

"Ironic..." Hazawa Tsugumi thought to herself as she stuck her hand out from under her dark umbrella, "Sayo-san and Hina-senpai would have loved this weather..."

Tsugumi was dressed in a plain black dress with gloves. She loathed heavy events like this that would make her cry, but when it was meant for Sayo, she accepted the invitation without hesitation.

So Tsugumi stood in front of Sayo's grave as tears stung her eyes, the casket lowered into the ground beside her sister. 

Beside her, the Hikawa parents were crying uncontrollably. Tsugumi had tried, more than once, to console them, however, it always ended up in Tsugumi crying with them so she decided to let them weep in peace. Roselia stood on the other side of the Hikawa parents, dressed in long, frilly black dresses that held within them all the skill Shirokane Rinko could muster. Black veils covered their heads like curtains, shielding their grief from the outside world. Roselia stood tall and proud in respect for Sayo today.

"We will not cry today," Yukina said coldly, as a tearful Tsugumi accused the band of being apathetic. 

"We will not bring personal feelings into Roselia."

Tsugumi stopped and apologised when Yukina shifted her veil, exposing her bloodshot eyes and puffy cheeks for a split second before they were hidden from the world again. At that moment, she realised Roselia was not cold or uncaring, they didnt weep because they had no tears left to shed. 

Losing one Hikawa twin was already a big hit for her, and everyone who knew them, but having both snatched away in such a short amount of time was devastating.

Tsugumi thought back to what happened in the last two months, all the events that had led up to this moment and how she could have stopped all of it.

\----------------

On that day when she had received the phone call from an inconsolable Hikawa Sayo, when she had finally gotten the older girl to calm down enough to speak coherently, the words hit her like a freight train.

"I killed Hina-senpai," Tsugumi thought as the tears welled up in her eyes. That day Hina and Tsugumi we're meant to go out together but in an act of selfishness, Tsugumi said she was busy to help her parents around the café.

Nothing got better when a week later, the same guilt and pain hit her once again at full force when Hikawa Hina appeared before her as if nothing happened. But she was too tall to be Hina Hikawa, her braids too frayed for the girl that wore them perfectly without a loose strand every day Tsugumi knew her, her uniform too prim and proper for someone who ran around as much as the energetic girl, and her eyes too cold and lifeless, without the sparkle that was always behind them.

That wasn't Hikawa Hina, that was a very broken Sayo trying to be her.

"S-sayo-san?" Tsugumi asked tentatively.

"Tsugu-chan, I'm not Onee-chan!" Sayo shouted in a perfect imitation of Hina's voice, "don't play these kinds of jokes on me..."

Tsugumi quickly changed her stance as she looked into those sorrowful eyes, begging her to play along.

"I-I'm sorry Hina-senpai, I was too shocked by you..."

"Don't worry Tsugu-chan," Sayo said as she nuzzled up to Tsugumi just like Hina would, "I know it's hard to accept, but let's keep on living without Onee-chan okay?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"Even though Onee-chan isn't by our sides anymore... I want to keep on living... So that what Onee-chan did wasn't in vain."

Sayo didn't know how many times Tsugumi's heart shattered in that short conversation.

It didn't help that every time Tsugumi tried to pick up the pieces, Sayo would unknowingly tear them apart with every word. 

When they would work in the student council room, Sayo would adopt her usual serious stance, unlike Hina who would normally be doing anything but paying attention. Sayo actually managed to get through more than half of the work the accumulated while they were mourning.

When Sayo would burst into the Hazawa coffee shop and order a mocha, Tsugumi would always secretly give her a black coffee instead like she usually drinks. Sayo was either too kind or too distracted to say anything other than showering her with compliments for giving her great coffee.

When Sayo came into CiRCLE with the rest of Roselia, Tsugumi could feel the air in the room grow cold as both Afterglow and Roselia tensed up.

"Oh, hey Tsugu-chan!" Sayo said bounding up to Tsugumi, "I'm here to help Roselia practice, this is going to be boppin'!"

Tsugumi could see the rest of Roselia wincing behind Hina's back, it must have hurt for them to see Sayo like this too, Afterglow was too shocked to do anything but stand in stunned silence as Hina skipped away from them and into the studio.

At night, Tsugumi would always drop a message to Lisa, and Lisa would always reply almost immediately. They would then talk about their interactions with Sayo for the day, the good, the bad, it would all come pouring out. On the particularly bad days, they would start talking about their memories of Sayo and Hina, which almost always ended up in both of them becoming a sobbing mess over the phones.

That day was no different as Tsugumi wiped dried her tears for the umpteenth time. She sniffled before whispering, not expecting Lisa to hear her. The phone beside her suddenly blew up with Lisa's shouting.

"What did you say Tsugumi?!" Lisa shouted excitedly, Tsugumi could almost visualise Lisa bouncing excitedly on her bed waiting for Tsugumi to answer, "Say it loud and clear for me to hear!"

"It-it's nothing!"

"You can't hide from me Tsugumi~ now tell me what you said~"

"Fine, fine, I said I really love Sayo..."

"Awww, that's so precious!"

"But... How am I supposed to deal with it now?"

Silence filled the line as Lisa considered this, Tsugumi winced as she was hoping she would forget about her crush eventually.

"Well Tsugumi, I think you deserve to be happy too, I know it pains you to see Sayo in this state, it hurts me too. But I think that maybe, with your love and support, Sayo would be able to make it out of this."

"You really think so?"

"Yes, Tsugumi, but dont do anything rash okay, I wish you good luck with whatever-"

Lisa fumbled with her phone for a moment and shouted something unintelligible before returning to the line.

"Sorry Tsugumi, I gotta go, Yukina's calling me now~!"

"Okay," Tsugumi giggled, Lisa and Yukina were so in love, it was cute how Yukina's presence could instantly make Lisa feel better, "have fun!"

"You too Tsugumi, and good luck!"

With a beep, the call ended. And Tsugumi found herself staring at her ceiling, filled with a new hope.

That night, Tsugumi tossed and turned in her bed, she couldn't sleep after hearing what Lisa said.

"You deserve to be happy too."  
"With your love and support."  
"Sayo would be able to make it out of this."

Sayo wasn't showing any signs of getting better anytime soon, and Lisa was proposing a solution for them. If Tsugumi could carefully put it into action, everyone might be happy, and they can get the old Sayo Hikawa back.

That's when she made up her mind, tomorrow, in the student council room, Hazawa Tsugumi would confess to Sayo and try to heal her.

And yet when starting into those green-gold emeralds for eyes, Tsugumi couldn't choke out any words.

"Hi-Hina-senpai?"

"What is it, Tsugu-chan?"

"Oh, I was just about to ask you to sort out this stack of approvals we need for the budgeting appeals..."

This continued for the rest of the session, Tsugumi would try to confess and would lose all her confidence the moment Sayo turned to her.

"Tomorrow," Tsugumi said to herself as she left the student council office after Hina went off for practice with Roselia, "definitely tomorrow."

When Tsugumi got home, she immediately collapsed onto her bed, the lack of sleep from last night and staying late to do work took a toll on her, and she was exhausted. At least she could chalk it up to that when thinking about why she couldn't confess. She hugged her keyboard pillow tightly as she promised herself that she would confess the next day, no matter what.

So why?

Why must this have happened?

Tsugumi choked back a sob as she watched Sayo's casket get buried under the piles of flowers and dirt.

She could have stopped this, all of it. She made too many mistakes and now both the Hikawa twins were in the ground in front of her, she had her chance to fix it but she ruined it again.

She really was a horrible person.

"I'm sorry Sayo, Hina... I'm sorry I wasn't brave enough to do the right thing..."

**Author's Note:**

> Criticism appreciated


End file.
